Harry Potter and the Revolting Rhyme

Hermione demands you enjoy this daft poem.

I started work on a revolting rhyme based on the Harry Potter books. Here's how it begins:

There's a lad I think you know

You see him everywhere you go

In every town, in every store

There's Harry Potter books galore

The first three books were normal size

But the fourth caused some surprise

I couldn't lift that mighty tome

I bought a truck to get it home

The rest of them were sized the same

And though they all deserve acclaim

Some say the books can try their strength

Due to their enormous length

But worry not! For now, you see,

I've written out a summary!

Don't buy the book, put back your purse

The story's here in comic verse

Now Voldemort was feeling grumpy

A prophecy had made him jumpy

It said he'd die. That made him worried

So up he got and out he hurried

He cried, "That boy's a dirty rotter"

"I'm off to kill that Harry Potter!"

His pals applauded this decision

Then turned back to the television

So Voldemort set off alone

To curse a boy before he'd grown

Poor Harry's Dad (his name was James)

Was burnt to death in greenish flames

Then Lily (she was Harry's mum)

Gave her life to save her son

And her love was so immense

That it formed a strong defence

For when the Dark Lord said farewell

And, at Harry, cast his spell

The curse bounced back off Harry's head

Affecting Voldemort instead

The Kedava curse, it should be mentioned

Is not what I'd call well-intentioned

It's meant to kill and hurts like hell

Voldemort was quite unwell

He didn't die though. No, not him

The Dark Lord's past is very grim

Over death he'd gained control

By making mincemeat of his soul

He chopped it up and hid each bit

(A sneaky plan, you must admit)

So he survived, but only just

His human body was now dust

Then Hagrid took the orphaned tyke

Across town on a motorbike

Some bikes fly and others can't

This one flew to Harry's aunt

But Petunia (Lily's sis)

Was not the type to hug and kiss

A new born wizard in a nappy

She and Vernon were not happy

A decade later, Harry P.

Didn't like his family

Dudley and his mum and dad

Made life hard for the wizard lad

The Dursleys travelled to the zoo

Harry was pleased they took him too

He met a snake from Brazil

And set it free to maim and kill

Then came the letters - first just one

Then two and three and then a ton

Terror was the order of the day

The Dursleys tried to run away

But Hagrid found them in their hut

And grew a tail on Dudley's butt.

Harry laughed and without stopping

Caught a boat and went off shopping.

... to be continued... 

(maybe)