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Sunday, 19 June 2011

On the friendliness of dragons

Here's the prologue of a fantasy novel I'm working on:

This is a book about dragons.

Contrary to popular belief, dragons are very friendly creatures. Behind the shimmering scales, the creepy claws and the terrible teeth is a kind, caring creature who likes nothing better than a chat about the weather over a nice cup of tea.

It should be noted, however, that dragons are only friendly to people who are POLITE to them. If, when you meet a dragon, the first thing you do is wave your sword around your head whilst shouting things like, “Huzzah, let’s kill the dragon!” then the dragon will, quite understandably, come to the conclusion that you’re probably not interested in becoming friends. People who greet a dragon in this way are invariably roasted in a fiery flame.

If, on the other hand, you greet the dragon with a wave, a nod and a smile then, you can be sure, all will be well.

This is also a book about demons.

Demons are EVIL. You can try to be friends with a demon if you like but the friendship will be very short and consist of no more than, “Hello, arrgh, please don’t eat me”. The problem is that demons like to smash things, and the things that they don’t smash, they eat.  Some demons are more peaceful than others – they just pop in, smash something and run off again – but most demons prefer to smash everything in sight, then smash it all again, then stamp on the broken bits while eating anyone unfortunate enough to be within grabbing distance.

The things demons like to smash include:
  • Rocks,
  • Trees,
  • Houses,
  • Pretty much anything really.

The things demons like to eat include:
  • People,
  • Animals,
  • Other demons,
  • Pretty much anything really.

If you learn only one thing from this book, let it be this:

DEMONS SHOULD BE AVOIDED AT ALL COSTS.

Oh, and don’t forget the bit about being polite to dragons.


"Dragon Guardian" by Lisa Victoria